It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You can't just leave with hair like that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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