just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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