And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
