i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just found puke in my bra..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
