the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
