My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
