they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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