Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
