he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
