I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
