so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
