I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
should my penis look like a turkey
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
