are you so shy because you have an std?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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