his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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