; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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