watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
