I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
