glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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