Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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