Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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