Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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