I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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