i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
