in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
