Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
