Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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