I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
