I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
