just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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