No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
