And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
