I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
