I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
