Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
