i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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