but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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