I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
