PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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