Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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