I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
