While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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