found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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