I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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