i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
