Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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