I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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