you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
