Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
