I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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