we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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