There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
