I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
