Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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