your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
