my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
