come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
