i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
