Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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