see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
