living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
