epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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