I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize