Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to calm my uterus...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize