how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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