1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize