Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
