I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just invented taco cereal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize